Post by Tigress on Sept 27, 2004 22:57:48 GMT -5
Mixed Blessings
Are secular life ceremonies the wave of the future?
By Michael Kress
Posted at Slate.msn.com, Arts & Life
Perhaps it was bound to happen: Spiritual seekers who left churches and synagogues for the freedom of an independent path are finding it's lonely out there. When it comes to life's big moments—weddings, births, funerals—a religious ceremony can be a, well, religious experience. But instead of going back to church, some people are finding nonreligious means of celebrating life's significant events. Though not without their challenges, these secular rituals can make a significant contribution to the 21st-century quest for spiritual meaning.
The rituals are the work of a growing number of "secular officiants" who create religion-free life-cycle rituals commemorating everything from birth to death, puberty to menopause. Advertising through Web sites like SecularCeremonies.com and ARiteToRemember.com, they attract those who have abandoned traditional religion—atheists and the "spiritual but not religious" alike—along with those who feel abandoned by religion—for example, unmarried parents.
Different approaches to this endeavor range from the secular humanist who does not mention God in her ceremonies and refuses to include Jewish or Christian rituals or Bible readings, to the officiant who will only include rituals that somehow figure in her clients' lives or heritages.
Ceremonies by Terri Mandell-Campfield take the former approach. There's typically an exchange of vows (for a wedding) and an appropriate ritual for the occasion, borrowed from any number of traditions aside from Judaism or Christianity, which she shuns because, she says, her clients are seeking rituals they can't find in church or synagogue—and many are "really angry about the religions they were brought up with." Instead, there might be "handfasting," which her Web site defines as "an ancient Celtic wedding ritual in which the couples' hands are tied together with a ceremonial ribbon or cloth." Or it might include "calling the directions," a commonly adopted Wiccan (neo-pagan) and Native American custom in which North, South, East, and West are summoned to bless and aid those involved in the ceremony.
The biggest drawback of this approach is that pulling rituals from various traditions and performing them out of context risks distancing them from the realities of participants' spiritual lives. They may evoke the intended visceral reactions—pushing the right emotional buttons and giving the proceedings the solemnity they deserve—while leaving little below the surface. It is the officiants' and the participants' challenge to ensure that handfasting or calling the directions is more than just a nice thing they borrowed from the Celts or pagans.
Ann Keeler Evans represents the second approach—insisting that rituals have some basis in her clients' spiritual lives or family heritage. For a wedding between a Sikh man and an Irish-Catholic woman, for instance, the ceremony included the lighting of a Catholic unity candle (slightly modified: The couple didn't extinguish their individual candles after lighting the joint flame, as is the tradition) and a Sikh ritual in which everyone is given cooked grain as a sign that the temple feeds and blesses all.
These rituals are made rich by drawing on participants' personal histories, but obviously they aren't for those looking to flee their heritage and truly do something that is theirs and only theirs. Keeler Evans says clients often ask about incorporating symbols or rites they've seen elsewhere—including, once, a reality television show—but she won't do it unless it has particular significance for that person. This approach is far from traditional but it allows participants to connect to their—or at least their family's—past. The risk of pulling rituals out of contexts is lessened, though not eliminated, by their basis in the participants' lives, and it remains in the hands of these leaders and their clients to ensure a balance between tradition and what is personally meaningful.
What sets these secular celebrations apart from traditional rituals is their focus on the individuals. In the past, people didn't need ritual to speak to them personally; if it was part of their religion, it was inherently meaningful. Today, with confidence in our institutions eroding, authority and belief come—for many people—from self and personal experience.
Are secular life ceremonies the wave of the future?
By Michael Kress
Posted at Slate.msn.com, Arts & Life
Perhaps it was bound to happen: Spiritual seekers who left churches and synagogues for the freedom of an independent path are finding it's lonely out there. When it comes to life's big moments—weddings, births, funerals—a religious ceremony can be a, well, religious experience. But instead of going back to church, some people are finding nonreligious means of celebrating life's significant events. Though not without their challenges, these secular rituals can make a significant contribution to the 21st-century quest for spiritual meaning.
The rituals are the work of a growing number of "secular officiants" who create religion-free life-cycle rituals commemorating everything from birth to death, puberty to menopause. Advertising through Web sites like SecularCeremonies.com and ARiteToRemember.com, they attract those who have abandoned traditional religion—atheists and the "spiritual but not religious" alike—along with those who feel abandoned by religion—for example, unmarried parents.
Different approaches to this endeavor range from the secular humanist who does not mention God in her ceremonies and refuses to include Jewish or Christian rituals or Bible readings, to the officiant who will only include rituals that somehow figure in her clients' lives or heritages.
Ceremonies by Terri Mandell-Campfield take the former approach. There's typically an exchange of vows (for a wedding) and an appropriate ritual for the occasion, borrowed from any number of traditions aside from Judaism or Christianity, which she shuns because, she says, her clients are seeking rituals they can't find in church or synagogue—and many are "really angry about the religions they were brought up with." Instead, there might be "handfasting," which her Web site defines as "an ancient Celtic wedding ritual in which the couples' hands are tied together with a ceremonial ribbon or cloth." Or it might include "calling the directions," a commonly adopted Wiccan (neo-pagan) and Native American custom in which North, South, East, and West are summoned to bless and aid those involved in the ceremony.
The biggest drawback of this approach is that pulling rituals from various traditions and performing them out of context risks distancing them from the realities of participants' spiritual lives. They may evoke the intended visceral reactions—pushing the right emotional buttons and giving the proceedings the solemnity they deserve—while leaving little below the surface. It is the officiants' and the participants' challenge to ensure that handfasting or calling the directions is more than just a nice thing they borrowed from the Celts or pagans.
Ann Keeler Evans represents the second approach—insisting that rituals have some basis in her clients' spiritual lives or family heritage. For a wedding between a Sikh man and an Irish-Catholic woman, for instance, the ceremony included the lighting of a Catholic unity candle (slightly modified: The couple didn't extinguish their individual candles after lighting the joint flame, as is the tradition) and a Sikh ritual in which everyone is given cooked grain as a sign that the temple feeds and blesses all.
These rituals are made rich by drawing on participants' personal histories, but obviously they aren't for those looking to flee their heritage and truly do something that is theirs and only theirs. Keeler Evans says clients often ask about incorporating symbols or rites they've seen elsewhere—including, once, a reality television show—but she won't do it unless it has particular significance for that person. This approach is far from traditional but it allows participants to connect to their—or at least their family's—past. The risk of pulling rituals out of contexts is lessened, though not eliminated, by their basis in the participants' lives, and it remains in the hands of these leaders and their clients to ensure a balance between tradition and what is personally meaningful.
What sets these secular celebrations apart from traditional rituals is their focus on the individuals. In the past, people didn't need ritual to speak to them personally; if it was part of their religion, it was inherently meaningful. Today, with confidence in our institutions eroding, authority and belief come—for many people—from self and personal experience.